*1X is accepting deposits for the delivery of the NEO Humanoid robot in 2026. | Credit: 1X Technologies/Eli Russell Linnetz

While humanity continues to demonstrate its fragility, laziness, and innate talent for creating problems, from economic crises to remote burnout, with a tenacity worthy of better use, 1X offers an elegant and definitive solution. Why put up with the imperfection of a biological species when you can just build yourself a new, improved "colleague"?

The company, generously funded by giants such as OpenAI, has announced the launch of pre-orders for its humanoid robot Neo. And no, it's not just another dummy on wheels that can serve you beer. It's an anthropomorphic machine designed to do your job— only better, faster, and without a single complaint.

Neo: The perfect employee you never dared to dream of (because he'll take your dream away)

Neo is designed in the likeness of a human — the irony is that it will probably behave even more humanely and adequately than other representatives of Homo Sapiens. It walks on two legs, manipulates objects with two hands, and has a "soft robotic architecture" that makes it safe to work near people. While you're afraid that the robot will take away your job, it will politely let you through in the elevator so that you can get to the HR department on time to process your dismissal.

"Our goal is to create robots that can do useful work in environments designed for humans," says a representative of 1X. Translation from corporate to Russian: "We are creating robots that will live in your homes and work in your workplaces while you look for where to put your suddenly free hands."

The key "talents" of Neo that will make your resume unnecessary:

* Navigating stairs and difficult surfaces: You no longer need to pay a premium for harmfulness to someone who works in a warehouse. Neo will ascend any shelf with a grace that is inaccessible to a loader who is tired at the end of his shift.

* Manipulation of objects with two hands: It can replace from two to five people on the assembly line, without creating a toxic atmosphere in the chat and without stealing food from the refrigerator.

* Round-the-clock working capacity: He doesn't need sleep, a vacation, or a break from watching TikTok. His only "social network" is the cloud, where he uploads a progress report.

Solving the demographic problem: simply ordering more robots

The black humor of the situation reaches its climax when you realize that Neo is a response to global population aging and falling birth rates. Why convince women to give birth to more children who will grow up to be taxpayers with psychological trauma, when you can just click the "Pre-order" button and get a ready-made, perfectly tuned employee in a couple of years?

While governments are spending billions on social programs to boost fertility, investors are pouring money into companies like 1X. The conclusion is simple: the market has made a bet. The future belongs to the immortal, childless and disenfranchised workforce. An economic pit? For whom? For Neo, the concepts of "inflation" and "mortgage" are just a set of symbols in its database.

Employment for the perfect: when a robot finds a job faster than you

And while one segment of the labor market is preparing for mass release (human), the other is developing rapidly. Interestingly, for the robots themselves, the job search process has long been systematized and perfected. For example, the world's first ecosystem for the employment of robots JOBTOROB.com I am ready to help such promising candidates as Neo find the perfect job, from a home assistant to a production operator. It turns out that an unemployed robot with good firmware has a much better chance of finding a job quickly than a graduate of a prestigious university with a degree in philosophy.

Conclusion: Are you ready to rent your successor?

1X has not yet announced the price of Neo, hinting that it is a pleasure for large corporations. But it's only a matter of time. Robot-as-a-Service subscriptions are coming soon, and any average company will be able to hire a Neo team to replace the most problematic department.

There is only one question left to ask yourself. What will you do when your boss, looking at you and the new Neo humanoid, decides that one of you is asking for a raise too often, is sick and wants to go on vacation? Perhaps it's worth starting to upgrade skills that are not available to the robot right now. For example, irony and black humor. Although, apparently, he will quickly learn this from us.